She’s 32 and Single. There Must Be Something Wrong With Her.

I recently saw a video on social media where a man stated, “My father has a rule. And I am not saying that this rule is accurate. But just look at your life and apply it, and see if it is accurate, gentlemen. My father told me that if a woman is over 32, has never been married, never had any kids, there is something wrong with her.” The room went into an uproar at his words. “I am not saying it’s right and I am not saying it’s incorrect… every time I have applied this rule, it has been accurate.”

If you are a single woman, in your early 30s, and love the Lord— like me— then you have probably heard, at least once, that when you are happy being single and need no one else but Jesus in your life, that’s when the man of your dreams will show up. Just when you weren’t looking for him.

I don’t think my girlfriends, because yes I have heard this multiple times, meant to imply that for the past 13 years (since my last serious boyfriend) I haven’t been happy. They were sharing their story. For them, this was their reality. For them, this was their truth. But just because it is true for one single lady who meets a man when she is least expecting it just after she is at peace with being single, doesn’t mean it will happen for everyone. Can I be real? I wish people would stop perpetuating the lie that there is something wrong with being single in your thirties. Especially, in the church. Because when you hear a lie often enough, you start to believe it.

The video went on with a reply from an older woman. She took the microphone with authority, looked directly at the man and said, “Tell your daddy (loud cheers from the crowd) that if you find a woman that is 32 years old, doesn’t have any kids, never been married… Tell your daddy, that she’s educated and that she is planning to make financial decisions so that she can afford the children that she has and send them to college. Instead of having them standing at the bus stop, she can drive a Lexus to work. Tell your daddy, that the woman is a boss.”

I smiled after I saw watched this video. And then I watched it again. I think it gave me a longer pause, made me stop and reflect, because I am 32 years old. I thought about my life and immediately began composing a paragraph in my head of what I would write in response to this video if I was the commenting type. It went something like this:

I am debt free. No student loans. No credit card debt. I have my masters in Education. I’ve taught children all over the world on two different continents outside my homeland. I have lived in four different countries. I’ve traveled to 25 countries. I have built friendships with people across the world and kept those friendships going strong even after years of living in different places. I have learned how to ask for forgiveness and help and how to share my faith again and again and again. But oh… right. There must be something wrong with me because I am not married.

I’ve been thinking about this even more lately because a friend of mine recently moved to a different country and is feeling lonely. She shared with me that when she feels lonely she usually thinks that if she just had a boyfriend she would be happier. She wouldn’t be lonely. She quickly stops these thoughts because she knows it’s not true. And she has people in her life to tell her that those thoughts are not true.

Don’t get me wrong, there have been many, many times over the years when I have wanted nothing more than the man of my dreams to just walk through the freaking door already. I have felt that same loneliness and thought that the only solution is a husband. I desire to get married. I do. I have come to the point though, where I am so satisfied with where God has placed me that when I feel lonely I don’t immediately think, “If only I had a man.” I think, what can I do to enjoy this life I have been given? Who can I spend time with? Who can I encourage and who can I ask for encouragement from?

Please, don’t hear what I am not saying and get it all twisted. There are times when I am more actively pursuing a relationship and there are times when I am too busy to care. I am open to a relationship. I just don’t need one to be fulfilled. I want one. I just don’t want it to make me happy. Because I already am happy.

As a single, Christian woman in my early thirties, I am not an anomaly. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with me.

I know because my daddy says…

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10 on 10- February

I have another blog post in drafts. That happens a lot. It’s about my trip to the Philippines and I plan to finish it. But it’s the 10th! And we know what that means. The 10 pictures I am posting this month were taken on a random Saturday (two weeks ago?). My weekends tend to be a bit full because I have so many loves to hang out with and things to do. This particular Saturday started with a shopping trip to Costco alongside my roommies. After which I headed to Seoul to have lunch and tea with the lovely Tinè, and finished the day spending the evening with the Bongiovannis (who hosted!), Egbert and Diana. We ate chili and brownies and I watched my first episode of Fixer Upper. Riveting details, I know. That’s why there are pictures!

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(not my salad…)

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matchy match!

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I really need to get a new lens, this ones getting finicky and I am sad that the pic of the Bongos is blurry 😦

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And that’s how all brownies should be eaten.

Make sure to check out my cousin’s 10 on 10, and April’s (love that you are doing this too). In fact, everyone should do a 10 on 10!

the lie of loneliness

This past weekend marked my 28th year of life (I can’t believe I am now 28, I have lived 28 years! What?!). I started the beginning of my 29th year surrounded by almost 400 people for three days.

And at one point I felt completely alone. Growing up living with 10 other people in my immediate family, feeling lonely is a very rare occurrence for me. I grew up extroverted, and have never lacked family or friends. This emotion of being lonely was totally foreign, and also a huge fat lie.

For the first time, I felt like I had too many friends. It took me 28 years, but I had this feeling of finally reaching my limit— the capacity cut off.

You know how Jesus had the inner circle of 3 disciples that he kept extra close out of the 12? I would choose 6 people. Instead of 12 disciples, I would choose 24. In fact, right now if I were to pick bridesmaids out of my girlfriends (this is how the female brain works before you get married) the closest of the close, I would probably only be able to narrow the number down to 18. And that is just females; do you know how many amazing guy friends I have? I am blessed.

Friday night I left work and headed to New Philadelphia’s yearly church-wide retreat. I made it just in time for the evening message. Since the retreat had started the day before, I felt like I did a cannon ball jump into the water instead of slowly getting my feet wet, then wading up to my ankles, my knees, my thighs (the water gets so cold at that point!), and so on. It was good, but a little disorienting.

After the message, friends that weren’t too busy serving, or drunk in the spirit, bombarded me with birthday wishes and hugs and love. But then there were so many people I didn’t get to see, it felt like I saw no one at all. We had our small group session time. I told them it was my birthday, why? Why, as humans— do we need to make everything about us? I am seriously so selfish in the flesh sometimes a lot. I want everyone to be my friend, and I want everyone to love me, and I wanted everyone to know that it was my birthday so therefore it is the best day on the calendar and please be happy that I was born on this day almost three decades ago, and love me, and notice me, and give me presents, and love me!

But, if I had seen and talked to all the people who I wanted to… would I have even had a real conversation in such a short amount of time? The next day of the retreat during the free time I wanted to hang out with everyone, but I realized that if I had done that I would have ended up hanging out with no one. I felt burdened and sad. How silly.

I am loved. I have so many people who love me. I am not alone. I am surrounded. I had great conversations with some people and I had fun jokes and quick hugs with others. I met new people and loved it. I don’t have a cut-off, I don’t have a limit, because God’s love and joy that flows through me and from me is never-ending. I just needed to realize that I need to fill myself up by spending time with him, if I want to spend time with other people and not lose that joy. I also realized that I still want to be friends with everyone, I just can’t help it. But I also want to be fully present and invest in the lives of those who invest in me. I will learn a balance. Eventually.

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Our school loves the teachers so much, they buy the employees donuts for the whole staff on every birthday. The birthday winner gets a special heart donut, I was so excited I bit into before I got a picture, hehe.

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Megan surprised me with a cake and the K-2 grade students poured into my room singing during lunch break with a bunch of beautiful home-made cards.

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You can tell that I had a student take the above picture^^ One of my student’s had her mom make me brownie cupcakes because she knew that I prefer them over cake. She was super super super excited to give them to me. I love being a teacher!

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At the retreat! Having dinner with my Emmaus girls. SERIOUSLY LOVE THEM.

I have more pictures of the retreat that I will post later; these are pictures from my phone. My students treated me like a princess all month leading up to my birthday— they were the stinkin’ cutest things ever. Being a teacher when your birthday rolls around is the BEST OCCUPATION to have. Hands down.

Calm

Waiting for the calm in the storm. That is what I am doing.

Today, I have my last small group. Tomorrow I give my final presentation on my project document (thesis) for grad school. Saturday I work my last day at my first international school and pack up my apartment. Sunday I graduate with my masters. Monday I move apartments and pack for the States. Tuesday, I fly home.

Next Tuesday, I fly home.

June 16th is my sister’s wedding. I head to Chicago June 30th, and to New York on July 11th (for wedding #2 of the summer). Weddings 3, 4, and 5 take place June 21st, 28th, and August 3rd. I get to be a bridesmaid in #1, and #5!

August 9th, I come back to Korea and start teaching at a new international school.

Forget the calm, I love this storm.

A little bit of what I have been up to through pictures:

Saying goodbye to Han Wool for the summer, while Jee Young has a tearful goodbye with Hye Yun (as she is moving to Singapore!)

WICKED!!! After waiting for seven years, it only seems right that they would bring an English-speaking cast (from Australia, they were amazing) all the way to Korea for me. TOTALLY WORTH THE WAIT. I want to see it again.

I miss my smartphone.

Last week of school includes field day! I have never been more tired…

Until I write again… love the storm you’re in!